Monday, November 11, 2013

You Like Sailing

"You said you liked sailing," he reminded me. 

The boat was in fact not sailing, but moored, if you could call it that. We were going around in circles at the mooring, with occasional variations in movement just to keep it fresh.

North wind in Vermont during what the rest of the country calls "early September" feels as though it could carry Santa effortlessly with it, frost gleaming from his beard. I wished I had a beard, which would be warmer than my bare skin. I wished I had fur.

The New Wife generally tries to be pleasant and amiable, so as not to appear too much like the Old Wife. I was having trouble doing so today. I was very cold and the boat lacked toilet paper. Since I was the only woman on board, this appeared to matter more to me than to anyone else. I tried eating for comfort, but a diet of corn chips and cheese does not agree with me. Still morning, it seemed a little early for wine and I was dizzy anyway. 

I had indeed stated that I liked sailing. But I should have been more specific, numerically speaking. I like sailing when the wind blows no more than eight (8) miles per hour, when the temperature is between 75 and 95 degrees Fahrenheit. I like to sail for as little as one and as much as four hours, and to be off the sailboat by 8 pm. If necessary to stay on the boat for an extended period of time (24-plus hours), I like there to be no less than one (1) roll of toilet tissue available. 1/8 roll is not acceptable.

Accuracy and precision are important tools in communication. As a New Wife, I will take that under advisement in future declarations about Things I Like.

©2013 Michelle van Schouwen, Longmeadow, MA
All rights reserved.


  1. OMG, that's me and fishing. I said I liked fishing. Yes, I love to fish! With worms. On a spinner. When I get a bite approximately every half hour. For no more than 2 or 3 hours at a time. I definitely do NOT like to fish with flies...that have to be pulled out and back, out and back, out and back in a constant motion. In the sleet, with gloves on, where the eyelets on the pole ice up. For 4 or 6 or 8 hours without a single nibble. Apparently the saying "get a clue" is lost on REAL fishermen. As a trying-to-be-pleasant New Wife, isn't it wonderful that I am happy - really happy - sitting in a folding chair, reading my book?

    1. Thank you for your wonderful comments. Very funny!